Tuesday, 7 July 2009

The Shatner returns

Brace yourselves folks - apparently they're making TJ Hooker, The Movie.

I don't know how many of you are old enough to remember this, but it was shown over here in the UK in the 80's. I have vague memories of Shatner running around in someone elses hair and quite possibly a man-girdle spouting the usual cliched crap, assisted by that bloke who looks a bit like that other bloke off Chips, whilst the gorgeous Heather Locklear pouts in the background.
Even though I was only about 6 at the time, I distinctly remember plot-holes you could drive a bus through - like that time his partner got investigated for shooting a man who was facing him, despite the fact he was shot in the back.
And whatever happened to Heather Locklear? As a child, I'm pretty sure she was never off my TV, though I do get confused alot between her and that woman off the fall guy.
And the Bionic Woman.

It does make you wonder though, if they're making a film out of this, what's next? We've already got The A-Team in the works - though this won't be half as good as it could have been now that Bernie Mac has passed away, I always thought he'd make a great BA.
But really, what else can they drag up? And who will they get to play our childhood heroes?
I'm already wondering who could replace Shatner in TJ Hooker - I'm not sure where else they'll find a bald man with a bad wig and a big ego.
But seriously, Who's next? Streethawk? Airwolf? Chips? That one with the bloke who could turn into animals?
Let me know of any suggestions you have - and I'll pass them on to Tarrantino. He's already interested in the 'My Little Pony's ninja nightmare' script I gave him.

Coming to a silver screen near you:

Friday, 3 July 2009

The blue-rinse of death

What is it with people who stand in front of me when I'm running? Today it was 2 separate occasions of women with pushchairs, and 1 granny.
You should need a license to operate a pushchair, like a car or a forklift. And like driving a forklift, you'll find that having a mobile phone stuck to your ear whilst one hand digs around inside your handbag makes them unpredictable in the staring department and you're likely to skew wildly about the place severely pissing off innocent runners like me.
And old people, they're just taking the piss. I'm running along, about 20 yards from a bus stop. There's an old lady who looks about 104 sat waiting for the bus. She sees me, stands up, walks out in front of me and turns round to face to the other way just as I get there. I mean what the hell are you doing you blue-rinsed moron? You just been sat there waiting for some hapless fellow to come by so you can jump out in front of them? Luckilly, I managed to swerve into the road (good luck there wasn't an actual bus coming) and miss knocking her skyward.
But really, I don't why I bother. Sometimes, I think I should just keep running in a straight line, no swerving, no moving out of the way, like a train with a psychotic driver hell bent on destruction leaving a trail of blue rinsed hip replacements in my wake.
And I thought this running malarky was supposed to lower my blood pressure.

Anyways, here's quite possibly the most chillaxicle piece of music I know (today anyhow). So if you too feel like screaming at the world, turn up your speakers and listen to this, you'll be thinking of fluffly kittens, lost loves, and all that in no time:

Thursday, 2 July 2009

When drug deals go misunderstood

Me and Mrs Block went to the pub a couple of nights ago. We're sat there outside on a wall with a vodka tonic, the warm night air and lots of people drinking and laughing all around when some guy comes over to Mrs Block and says 'is your name crystal?'
'No, though that is a cool name - if your stripper anyway'
'Oh OK, I thought you looked like a girl I know called Crystal from Peru.'
'No no, but I'm always getting mistaken for Spanish/Greek/Portuguese/insert country here' (Mrs Block has a wide variety in her family).
'Oh ok' he says, and then we have a slightly surreal and awkward conversation about Peru before he wanders off.
We think this is a bit weird. I mean, who the hell calls their daughter Cyrstal? Is he trying to chat her up? (she is rather pretty - and I am punching above my weight) but then why try and chat up a girl who's clearly with another guy who (and I don't mean to blow my own trumpet or anything) looks a damn sight bigger and meaner than you?
We're thinking about this when we notice he's gone on to another table and seems to be having the same conversation with someone else, then another, then another. And then a little lightbulb appears over our heads and we suddenly realise - he's a drug dealer. And suddenly I feel very stupid and uncool and not down with the kids at all for not knowing today's euphemism, like I should go up to the guy and say 'Hey, I get it now, Cystal, from Peru, as in meth yeah?' And then I'm wondering why I'm bothered about looking like an idiot in front of a drug dealer.
Mrs Block finds the whole thing very amusing, especially the bit of floundering around by the guy trying to say something interesting abut Peru.
And then I'm thinking there's a lot of people whispering in his ear, Christ there's a lot of junkies around here - which makes me feel a little bit sad.
And then we went home.

Quote for today:
"A lot of people think I'm a Michael Jackson impersonator" - Michael Jackson