Funtag!

My favourite day of the week rolls around yet again - and what's more I'm off work for a bit, so even more cause for celebration. I aim to be in the pub within the hour...

Though tonight is Children in Need night here in the UK, a worthy charity indeed, but it does mean that I will no doubt be accosted several times by people dressed in a variety of outfits asking for donations. I can only hope it's mostly girls in their 20's dressed as nurses and strippers, and not Prince Harry dressed as a Nazi (see above).

Also at this time of year, I start to think about Christmas presents. Not what I want, but what I should be buying for my various family and friends.
I always find it quite tricky to buy for others when I have no idea what they want. My sister as usual has given me a list, which is appreciated, and my best friend Andy will be getting a book like he does every year, but as for everyone else, I'm somewhat adrift. I ask them, and say things like 'surprise me', or 'I don't really know'. If they don't know what they want, how am I supposed to guess? And as for a 'surprise'- you can take this 2 ways, and I've learnt through experience that exotic pets and severed goats head - whilst fulfilling the remit of being a surprise - are not necessarily appreciated.

So please let me know your suggestions for what I should buy my assorted family and friends - they cover a wide range of ages, genders, cultures and sexual orientations. The winner gets a severed goats head.

Back again

Well, it's been almost 2 months since my last blog post. Pretty shocking I know. I'm sure you've all coped without me/not noticed.
I'm currently sat at home coughing every 30 seconds, which I ascribe to my quitting smoking (at long last) which is severely playing havoc with my lungs. I assume it's the sudden influx of fresh air that they've been deprived of for the last several years, and they're not sure how to cope.
I also got promoted at work, which was a bit of a surprise if I'm honest. They asked me to come along to a meeting and offered me a promotion just like that, which was nice. So more work, more shouting, less sleep.

Short post today, because I need to go drain my lungs again. I should be back to my usual 3/4 a week by the weekend. Here's some funky music to keep you entertained in the mean time:

Well it's a little after 5am, and I'm partially awake and typing.
I hate not being able to sleep. I have this weird kind of insomnia some days whereby I find it really easy to get to sleep at night, I just wake up ridiculously early and can't go back to sleep (about 4am today).

Personally, I blame work. Having a shitter of a week/month/year.
To make my boring job worse, our overlords have told us that we won't be getting a pay rise this year. Pay freezes for everyone. They've also said that no one can get promoted, as that would mean they'd have to give them a pay rise, and they're not going to do that. Which is particularly bad if you got told you were getting a promotion at this years annual review - one of only 2 times in the year that anyone is allowed to be promoted, and now you're told you'll have to wait.
It's not like I work for a bank or anything, so I'm pretty sure this is just to piss us off and increase profit margins.

On a cheerier note, I've just discovered Don DeLillo - friend of mine bought me a couple of his books. Reading White Noise at the mo, not got very far yet, but it's pretty good so far.
His writing style is a little like mine, or more accurately, my writing style is a little like his, only he's much better at it than me - with clipped sentences and the like. Not that I write that much like that here, this is just me madly ranting my inane tirade into the void, but I guess everyone needs a hobby.

The miracle that is artic roll

Guess what's back - yes, the artic roll. I had one yesterday in fact!
For those of you unfamiliar with this miracle in a box - it's sponge cake wrapped around ice-cream and jam. They used to sell them by the truck load back in the 80's but they stopped making them when demand dropped off. Now we're in a credit crunch, and everyone wants cheap and imaginative ways to eat sugar, they've started up again.
I'm pretty sure as a child you used to cook these. Apparently the sponge cake acts as an insulator and stops the ice cream from melting, however, I can't find a recipe anywhere that involves putting the whole thing in the oven, so I'm not sure if I made it up...
It is pretty amazing stuff though - well it was when I was a kid, the one I had yesterday tasted like carpet. I could never figure out as a child why they didn't use sponge cake more widely as an insulator. Surely if it can keep ice-cream frozen for 20 minutes in an oven, it would make a great fire retardant. We should all be putting it up instead of wall paper to fireproof our homes. In fact, I might give that a go this evening...

Anyways, it's Tuesday again, my least favourite day of the week. I cheered myself by applying for a new job this morning - anything beats the one I have.

Black day

Today is a black day - a day where nothing I do seems to matter, a day where I sit under a crushing black cloud that squeezes everything out of me. It's days like this that make you forget your dreams and dwell on your fears.

I can't wait for the weekend and it's only Wednesday. At weekends I get to do stuff with the wife. I get to go into London and do cool things, I get to stay in bed if I want and worry about nothing. In the week I sit alone and wonder why I'm still doing this shit job.

I saw a poster on the tube the other day that said 'if you don't like your life you can change it'. Maybe I should make more of an effort to change the shit things in mine.

I think I need to get writing more, get a novel finished and go see if anyone will buy it. I can sit in Starbucks most days then and just write shit down. Now that's a job.

Sorry to be on a downer today, but mid-week is never a good time for me.

'Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory.'

I want that job

Well, it's Monday. Again. Fun, fun, fun. Oh well, one day nearer the weekend I guess.

I've actually been quite busy at work today, which at least makes the time go quicker. Though It's still a shit job that's killing me one day at a time.

Never mind though, I've seen the perfect job (well, my wife spotted the perfect job and emailed me the link). Slight problem is that it's being advertised in 18 countries and there's only 1 vacancy. The job title is 'The Best Job in the World' - and no, it's got nothing to do with Kiera Knightley (excuse me whilst I drool for a while). It's a caretaker for the islands of the great barrier reef in Australia (see pic). Basically you have to feed the fish, write a blog, and er, that's pretty much it. It pays around £70,000 a year and is for a six month contract. You also get a rent free 3 bedroom house.

Details are here: http://www.islandreefjob.com/ if anyone else fancies applying.

Anyways, just sat on my ass at the moment watching 'celebrity come dine with me'. Great program, gonna set one up with some friends I think (though it won't be for a grand obviously). For those who don't know it, 5 people take turns in hosting a dinner party for the other 4. They then all score the night out of 10, and the one with the highest score at the end of the week wins £1000. A good excuse to get pissed and have someone else cook if you ask me.

Not much else happening in my life today. Went for a run yesterday - 4 and a half miles, couldn't feel my knees, pissed off when I got back - the usual - so sorry this entry isn't full of car chases and explosions.

Also had a cracking idea for a new book. Gotta get this one written first though, and something for the blog.

Oh, and thanks to Amanda before I forget, for sending me the link to the mysterious electric cigarette of mysterious wonder. Or something like that.

Quote for today:

'Several excuses are always less convincing than one.'

Wednesday - already?

Just been out for another run, and Christ it's cold. I know some of you probably live places were it gets to minus 80 and if you go outside for 4 seconds you get frostbite, but here in the UK we're used to it being being grey and mediocre 90% of the year, with a few days of sun in summer and if we're lucky a few days of snow in winter. Minus 10 it was last night, Minus 10!

Anyways, enough of being typically English and talking about the weather.
Today is turning out to be yet another boring day at work in my boring job with my control freak of a boss. Every week I have to fill in a time report that says what I worked on and for how long, and every week my boss calls me up and says:
'Hey, you put down 3 hours last Wednesday for (insert project here), what were you doing?'
and I say: 'I worked on (insert project here) for 3 hours?'

I mean, what do they expect me to say? Why am I spending 2 hours every week filling in these things if they're just going to ring me and ask anyway? Next time I'll tell them I was drinking lighter fluid or something.

Sadly this is typical of who I work for. Why do something easy when you can make it far more complicated, involve far more people, and make it take twice as long? I really need to get writing more and get something published so I can give up on this torrent of mediocrity I call a job.

Sorry, I'm in a bit of a ranting mood today. I'm never happy when I get back from a run. Someone told me endorphins are supposed to kick in after running, I guess mine are broke or something.
So here's a nice picture to make up for it that I took on holiday last year. I'll give a gold star to anyone who can guess the country.

And I'll leave you with a quote of the day:

'If you can keep your head while all those around you are losing theirs, perhaps you do not understand the situation'

Back to the grind stone

Well, Christmas is over, I'm half a stone heavier, and it's my first day back at work. Oh the fucking joy. What's more, it's appraisal season at work, which means I have to fill in a million forms saying how great (or otherwise) I am at just about every aspect of my job so my boss can tell me if they agree or not.
On a lighter note, it snowed last night. I like the snow, I know lots of people don't - they moan about the driving or whatever, but being a non-driver, and not having to leave the house unless I want to, I think it's pretty nice. Makes everything look clean and pretty for a while, even though as with all things that are clean and pretty, it soon turns to slush.
I managed to get out for a run today. I only did 3 miles before turning grey and wanting to puke - though I have had man flu, and as we all know, it takes almost 2 months to get over that. Also, I've still not stopped smoking, even though I said I would in the new year. Though to be fair, I've only had 1 ciggy today, which makes me practically a non-smoker.
Thanks to the folks who commented on my short story (below). As soon as I write something interesting I'll post that too so people can congratulate/ridicule me as they see fit.
I really need to add some pics to this blog to brighten it up a bit, I'll see what I can do over the next couple of days.

Oh, and Matt Smith is the new Dr Who. I mention this as I've met him - which from now on will be my claim to fame. He was a very nice chap indeed.