Thursday, 23 April 2009

Budget day

3 days to Marathon day - and Mrs Block is getting pretty sick of pasta right now...
I made Meatballs and spaghetti last night and it was pretty awesome even if I do say so myself.
I've been tasked with organising the godless hordes that will descend upon our house on Saturday from the four corners of the midlands. We've got 7 coming so far, with another 2 on Sunday. I hope they're either bringing beds or can sleep standing up.
Not sure what to do for breakfast for everyone on Sunday, I'll see if I can find Jesus' recipe for cod in breadcrumbs - he managed to feed 5000 with that one, so it should do the trick.

Anyways, we had the budget yesterday where the chancellor Alistair Darling (or comedy eyebrows man as he's more commonly known) did his usual trick of raising taxes and telling us that he got all the figures wrong last time, and we're a lot more screwed than he thought. He then tells us that there's no reason to panic, as this time next year we'll all be millionaires - so pretty much the same things he said last year. It all gets a bit complicated to follow, so I've listed the main points here for you:
  • Cigarettes - price is going up - given that there's a looming problem with people living to a ripe old age and the government worrying about how they're going to pay for everyones pension, the smart thing would be to put the tax down. People would smoke more which means more tax overall, and die before getting their pension, it's win win!
  • Alcohol - see above. (Is it just me, or does he seem to have it in for me?)
  • Income tax - anyone earning more than £150,000 has to pay 5p more tax. Apparently this is going to plug the £93Squillion hole.
  • Economy - The British economy will shrink this year by 3.5%. But next year it'll grow by 4256% and we'll all be driving Porsches.
  • Petrol - Going up to £942 a gallon so we won't be able to afford to drive the Porches anywhere.
  • Borrowing - National debt now has so many zeros after it that the calculator broke - but they're going to have a whip round at the weekend so that's alright then

And that's pretty much it. There was some other crap about tax credits and mortgages, but seeing as I have neither, I turned over to watch 'Deal or no Deal' instead

4 comments:

Valerie Wangnet said...

Interesting post, you're a very funny writer! Thanks for sharing.

JoJO a. said...

If anything your chancellor said is true, then I need to find myself one of those. I mean... I want a porsche!

"I hope they're either bringing beds or can sleep standing up."... what a fine host you make.

I envy your guests :) (cough. not really)

Writers Block said...

VALERIE - why thanks you

JoJO - At least I'm not charging them!

DPhatsez said...

As the late Janis Joplin said, " Oh lord won't you buy me a Mercedes Benz". Seeing as ya'll be driving Porsches now :)

I have heard of BYO(bring your own) meat(its the rave here in Sydney) but BYO bedding? hmm hint duly noted O' gracious host! :)