Paris Hilton in search of a stalker

Whilst flicking through TV channels last night, I caught the end of possibly the worst TV show ever. 'Paris Hilton's British Best Friend' - or to give it it's full title 'I want to be Paris Hilton's bitch'.

Thanks a bunch America, no really. First George Bush and now this? What are you feeding your kids, lead paint and mercury?

The show seems to be all about a bunch of sycophants in an ass-kissing contest, the prize being you get to be friends with Paris Hilton. Not really my cup of tea, but I guess some people are just plane nuts. I can already guess at the sort of events they're going to have, like 'how many Chihuahuas can you stuff in a Prada handbag'.

In a bid to find out what sort of folks go for this, I've managed to find some of the questions used by the researchers for the show to find the candidates with the 'right stuff', or in the words of Homer Simpson (no relation to Jessica) 'I'll kiss your butt and still call it ice-cream'.

Anyways, here they are:

Who should win the 2008 best acting Oscar?
a) Heath Ledger for ‘Batman – the Dark Knight’
b) Kate Winslet for 'crying at the golden globes'
c) Paris Hilton for ‘The Hottie and the Nottie’

How did Barrack Obama win the 2008 presidential campaign?
a) With a well thought out grass-roots campaign on the key issues facing the American public
b) Paris Hilton publicly backed him
c) Barrack who?

After a night out partying, you’re driving home and accidentally hit a parked car. A policeman spots you and asks you to pull over. Do you
a) Pull over calmly; perhaps he won’t notice you’ve downed 8 cans of RICH preseco.
b) Tell him you’ll do anything, no really, ANYTHING if he keeps it between the 2 of you.
c) Claim your assistant hadn’t told you it was illegal to drink and drive, start an online petition in a vain attempt to keep your ass out of jail and scream that it’s ‘not right!’ before finding God.

After meeting that ‘special guy’ at a party, he comes back to your hotel room and asks to spend the night. What should you do?
a) Tell him that you’re not a one-night-stand kind of girl and that if he really likes you he’ll respect that and take things slowly
b) Tell him he can stay but only if he wears a condom
c) Break out the night vision camcorder and ride him like a pony, claiming that the tape was subsequently ‘stolen’ and it’s only by coincidence that it’s been released on the net 1 week before your new series starts.

How did you score?
Mostly A’s – You’re a well balanced individual. What the hell are you doing here?
Mostly B’s – You’re a slut and have the intelligence of a chimp. Well done, keep honing those skills and there might be a place for you yet.

Mostly C’s – Congratulations! You’re a moron with no grasp on reality who thinks the world revolves around small dogs in handbags, perfume endorsements and drunken sex in hotel rooms. Now ask someone how to work a telephone and give us a call!

Today I am mostly watching wierd kids doing freaky things with their eye-brows in order to advertise chocolate. My favourite bits the baloon at the end.