Thursday, 15 January 2009

Ninja kittens of death

I was flicking through the TV guide yesterday, when I came across this little gem of a film tucked into the afternoon schedule:
Murder Without Conviction: 'Drama in which a former nun becomes embroiled in a murder mystery surrounding twin savant brothers who are serving life sentences for killing their mother.'
I'm sure this sort of thing happens every day.

The big question here is not who comes up with this shit, but who decides it would make a great film and pours money into it. I mean, surely at some point, someone who works on these films must say - 'hang on a minute, this is total crap' But then again, I guess they're getting paid.
This got me thinking about some other daytime made-for-TV gems, like this one:

Fatal Error: 'When a computer virus evolves into a deadly organic killer strand and a series of deaths occur, two scientists have to team up to prevent it spreading across Seattle. Can they stop the cyber-plague?'
Can they explain how a computer program manages to crawl out of the monitor in some 'Ring' type episode and starts killing people? I bet all the computers make weird beeping noises like they do in CSI.

And who can forget-
Santa Claus Conquers the Martians: I shit you not. This classic from 1964 is described as: 'The parents of Martian children decide to kidnap Santa after watching him on TV in order to make their children happy.' And believe it or not, this wasn't done as a comedy.

It's films like these that make me realise that no matter how bad I think my writing is, no matter how wooden the dialogue, or how ridiculous the plot line, someone somewhere is prepared to make a movie out of it. I mean, who can forget Tombraider 2? That alone should give hope to bad writers everywhere.

Today I am mostly listening to this:

They're much better live than the TV prog they did - in my opinion anyway.


Sez said...

yay for you listening to Kiwi folk parody!!

Charli said...

Hey there... I am new to your blog. This post is hilarious. I honestly can't believe these movies. I have often wondered how such awful things get made. Aren't there enough GOOD ideas out there without having to resort to this crap?

Writers Block said...

Hi Sez - always wanted to go to Kiwi-land. Like Australia only not as many things to kill you.

Hi Charli, glad you likey. Bad films are like soap operas, a secret government conspiracy to make us all stupid.
It's working very well on me.